


Tell Me If I'm Yours

by lovedeterrence



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Banter, Consensual Underage Sex, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24815221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovedeterrence/pseuds/lovedeterrence
Summary: During the events of the third semester, Akira finds himself seeking out Akechi.Major spoilers for Persona 5 Royal's third semester.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 61
Kudos: 219





	1. What if?

Akira tossed and turned in his mattress, the events of the day sitting heavily on his chest as he tried to sleep. His bed felt roomy, and a selfish part of him wanted his cat Morgana back. He felt like a monster for being so distubed over the happiness of his friends, but how could he accept this? It wasn’t real. He couldn’t fathom why his friends, the ones he had put all of his hope and trust into, were letting him down. Akira was all alone here. Well, maybe he wasn’t all alone.

He could lie to himself and say that he was surprised by how much he had taken to Goro Akechi, but he wasn’t surprised. From the moment they met at the TV station, Akira couldn’t get the other man out of his brain. Working with Akechi in Maruki’s palace, talking with Akechi, and coffee with Akechi were some of Akira’s only happy moments recently. Akira felt himself getting more and more enthralled with Akechi, each time they bickered, each time he watched Akechi slaughter in the metaverse, evey text message. This fixation on Goro Akechi was always something that lurked below the surface, but now it almost seemed like he was free to explore it.

Akira closed his eyes, retreating into those memories to lure himself into a sleep. He had always felt a certain level of comfort and familiarity with Akechi, but there was something different and new about whatever was happening now. Akechi had become his safe place to land, the place where he was free to be himself. He knew, or rather hoped, that the other Phantom Thieves would come to their senses, but for now maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to just explore his bond with Akechi.

After about twenty minutes of his half assed attempt at sleep, Akira reached for his phone. He couldn’t get Akechi out of his brain. He opened the Goro Akechi chat log, staring at his profile picture as he tried desperately to think of some excuse or reason to send him a text message at this odd hour of the night. He wondered what Akechi was doing. Was he home alone? Out and about? And was there a chance that he was thinking about Akira? He mentally kicked himself for that last thought. He took the kick at himself back when his phone lit up, notifying him of a text from Akechi. Akechi _was_ thinking about him. Akira's lips curled into a little smile as he opened the text.

Akechi: Does your bed get lonely at night now?

Akira blinked at the text in surprise. Why was Akechi messaging him late at night about the state of his bed? And did he want to personally come and investigate the state of Akira's bed- He cut the thought off and brought his attention back to the matter at hand, because he wasn't supposed to want his friend(?) to investigate his bed. 

Akira: What is this in reference to? 

Akechi: Oh, Morgana. I assume he slept in your bed up until now. It was always covered in black fur, and I assumed that it wasn't yours. 

Akira's grin widened, as he loved to see Akechi's observational skills in action. 

Akira: Yeah, I must say, it's a little empty.

Akechi: That's surprisingly honest of you. 

Akira: Surprisingly friendly of you to check on me. 

Akechi: Unsurprisingly daft of you to assume I'm checking on you.

Akira felt himself laughing for the first time in what seemed like ages.

Akira: What else am I supposed to make of a late night text asking about the state of my bed?

Akira smirked to himself, noticing that Akechi wasn't replying quite as fast this time. Did he get under his skin? Akira could only hope so. He liked Akechi the most when they were under each other's skin. 

Akechi: We are a business arrangement, and I was merely making sure that you weren't going soft on me. Don't misunderstand. 

Akira: But you _were_ thinking about me.

Akechi: I suppose you caught me there.

Akira: Don't give a guy the wrong idea, Akechi.

Akechi: I take no responsibility for whatever foolish ideas pop into your mind.

Akira felt a fondness welling up inside of him. He could warm up to the idea of losing everything else if it meant keeping this. He knew he shouldn't even consider that as an option, and rolled over in bed away from his phone and away from whatever intense itch he had for Akechi. Since his nerves were much calmer after their small exchange, he was finally able to fall asleep. 

__________________________

The next night, Akira found that he was having a similar plight when it came to sleeping. The events of the day weighed heavily on him. He went to see Futaba, and found her, Sojiro, and her mother alive and well. It was the happy family that Futaba had longed for, and Akira wondered if he was sick in the head for wanting to return to reality and take that away from her. Sure, he, Sojiro and Futaba had made their own family, but Futaba was always going to miss her mother. Was he being selfish? Maybe this was best for his teammates, and if he really cared about them, he would let them go. That line of thinking tormented him.

He thought back to his conversations with Akechi, about how it wasn't right to turn your back on reality for a perfect world, but could he really blame his friends? He was frustrated with them, but he was also frustrated that no matter how hard he worked to help them, he wouldn't have been able to do this for them. Was this helping them? Akira had never felt more lost.

His hand strayed to his phone, craving the one person that made him feel normal. A text message wasn't enough. Akira needed his voice. He dialed for Akechi. It rang twice before he answered.

"Did you forget what I said about us not being friends?" Akechi asked with a playful tone. 

"What you say and what you mean are often two completely different things," Akira responded. 

"And you're so much more of an honest man than me," Akechi scoffed.

"I would like to think so," Akira said. 

"Then honestly tell me why you're calling me," Akechi said.

Akira paused and frowned, thrown off by the question, but Akechi did ask for the truth. "I found myself craving your company."

It was Akechi's turn to pause, thinking. "Well, in about 10 minutes, I was planning to watch a movie marathon on TV. If you would like, we can watch it over the phone together."

"Let me make some popcorn," Akira answered, grinning from ear to ear. 

However, his grin did not last long. Once the popcorn was made and he climbed back into bed, flipped the TV to the station Akechi told him to, his expression turned from joy to dismay. The movie that Goro Akechi wanted to watch was "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace." Maybe Akira needed to rethink some things.

A few minutes into the movie, Akira asked, "You know this movie isn't good, right? I just need to make sure that you're aware."

"Kurusu," Akechi's voice was serious. "Understand that I _know_ it's bad. But bad or not, it is _essential_ to having a full understanding of Anakin Skywalker's story arc."

Akira took that into consideration. "But don't you think Anakin deserved a better story arc? Better written, less rushed, and maybe with a happier ending?" 

"Of course he did," Akechi practically scoffed. "But sometimes we have to accept the hand we're dealt." There was a slight pause as neither of them were certain if they were talking about the movie anymore, but Akechi continued, "And that is what Anakin fans have done with the Star Wars prequels."

Akechi and Akira bantered back and forth throughout the movie, but they found they agreed on most of their points. 

"The Jedi absolutely human trafficked Anakin Skywalker," Akira said. 

"And that's why I said it's essential," Akechi stated 

After what felt like an eternity of Anakin Skywalker racing his pod, Akira lamented, "I lived a thousand lives during that scene."

"Believe it or not, it's only nine minutes long," Akechi said with a laugh. 

An eternity later, the film had finally come to its close. "So, this is a typical Friday night with the detective prince," Akira mused.

Akechi's voice dropped to a more serious tone as he replied, "No, this is a typical Friday night with Goro Akechi." Akira thought he could hear a smile.

"I could get used to it," Akira said. 

"Don't," Akechi insisted. "But I must head to sleep now, so goodnight."

"Goodnight," Akira said before hanging up.

Akira was a little sad when they disconnected the line. Akechi was quickly becoming Akira's only sense of normalcy, which was abnormal in itself. No, Akira corrected himself as his line of thinking was incorrect. Akechi has always felt right to him. He had felt familiar and like home all along. He had just denied himself the simple pleasure for so long, and had no reason to hold back anymore. 

__________________________

Each night, Akira found himself growing a little more unsure of himself. Today, he met up with Haru and her _father_. While he was frustrated at her for running from the truth, he always knew there was a part of her that was still wishing she had her father back, and who could hold that against her? 

Akira's stomach turned as he paced around his attic, unable to recall a time where he felt smaller. He knew his teammates would come around. They had to, right? He didn't want to think about what would happen if they didn't. Would he, Akechi, and Sumire be able to do this? Again, Akira found himself wondering if he was doing the right thing. He knew what would make him feel better right now, and he allowed himself to succumb, dialing Akechi. 

"Never pegged you for the clingy type," Akechi answered. "Didn't I tell you not to get used to my company?" 

"Then why did you answer?" Akira was already grinning. 

He was met with silence from Akechi. He knew he had won for the moment, and decided to use that to his advantage. 

Akira spoke softly into the phone, "If getting used to your company is a crime, I don't think it would be the worst one I've committed."

"That depends entirely on who's judging your crimes," Akechi scoffed, but Akira thought he sounded a little flustered.

"Well," Akira said, "what's your judgment?"

Akechi responded, "I think you're a fool."

Akira laughed. "I think I am too." He took a deep breath. "Can I tell you just how foolish I am?" 

"If you must," Akechi sighed. 

"The world as I know it is collapsing in front of me, and somehow, you're the only thing I can think about. Isn't it kind of fucked up?" 

"It's somehow one of the less fucked up things about us," Akechi answered with a small chuckle, his bravado and guard seemed down. 

Akira bit his lip. "So, you admit there's an 'us'?"

"Don't put words in my mouth," Akechi spat. 

"I have to put words in your mouth because you'll never say what you mean," Akira said. "What do you have to lose?" 

"... _Everything_ ," Akechi answered, sadness seeping into his vocal chords. 

Akira stopped in his tracks. He didn't realize just how much distress his feelings were causing Akechi. He wasn't sure what would become of them upon heading back to the real world, but he didn't care. He knew what he wanted with Akechi, but he didn't know what Akechi wanted with him, and it was selfish. If only he had considered that before forcing his companionship upon Akechi. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice small.

"I need to ask. Is it me, or is it comfort? I know this hasn't been easy on you, but what are you really looking for here?" Akechi was serious. 

Akira answered without hesitation, "It's you. Even before all of this, it's always been you. I think you know that."

"I did, but I've always wanted to hear you say it," Akechi said, refreshingly honest.

"But it goes both ways, doesn't it?" Akira confronted him. 

"Even if it does, it doesn't change anything," Akechi said. 

"Yes it does," Akria snapped. "Isn't pushing me away exhausting? What's so bad about us?"

"It's not y-"

"It's not you, it's me?" Akira rolled his eyes. "You can at least reject me with a better cliche." 

"I don't think I can," Akechi said, defeated. 

"Come up with a better cliche?" Akira asked playfully. 

"No," Akechi's tone was flat. "Reject you." 

"Then what if you just don't?" Akira was smiling again. He knew he could take Akechi's heart.

"I don't have the luxury of thinking about what-if's," Akechi responded. 

"Of course you do. Everyone does," Akira insisted.

"I'll bite. What if I stayed on the line with you, instead of hanging up this phone and running away?" 

"I would want you to stay with me," Akira said. "On the phone is fine. We can just talk until we're sick of each other's voices." 

Akira and Akechi talked, and Akira waited for them to get sick of each other, but it didn't happen. They talked about everything and nothing until Akechi's yawns and sleep eventually overtook him. The last thing Akira remembered before he fell asleep was the sound of Akechi's soft snores.


	2. Combat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira tries to push his luck with a date.

Akira was starting to speculate that there was something deeply wrong with him. There was something morally not right about using an alternate universe to get close to your serial killer crush. Was it a crush? Somehow, that word didn't feel fitting. A crush is an attraction, superficial and fleeting. Akira's soul was screaming out for Akechi. He felt alive with Akechi, and that was something he had only felt when he was fighting for his life in the Metaverse. It was a rush unlike any other. Akechi's words constantly weaved their way through Akira's brain. There was never enough time to spend with Akechi. Akira was insatiable. 

Akira sat wistful on the subway. He knew that heading home would be the good thing to do, and probably even the right thing to do. But all he wanted to do was seek out Akechi. He didn't really know where he would find Akechi. His hypothetical plan was to take the subway to Kichijoji and stop by the jazz bar. If Akechi happened to be there, then maybe it was fate. Would he be falling into that fallacy of confirmation bias should he let himself believe that it's fate?

Akira smiled to himself. It was simple. It didn't matter to him whether or not it was fate. Fate? Who was fate to shake Akira's course? Akira Kurusu gambled for his life. He tricked and bested gods, changed the cognition of society. Did it even matter what fate had in store for he and Akechi? He wanted Akechi, and he didn't care if some trivial fate stood in his way. 

With a confidence he hadn't felt in weeks, he changed his course to Kichijoji. Snow was falling fast and steady on the busy town. Akira's feet carried him to his destination of the jazz bar. Perhaps he was being a little too certain of himself as he wasn't even sure Akechi would be here, but something in his heart told him he would be. They never did stray too far from each other. Upon reaching the entrance to the bar, he noticed that the line was longer than usual. In the line was Akechi, and Akira almost couldn't believe his luck. He was wearing his brown coat with the dramatic collar, snowflakes glistening in his locks of hair. Akechi's eyes and mouth widened as Akira approached.

"I'm starting to think you're stalking me," Akechi said, his eyebrows furrowed in suspicion.

"But you would like it if I was stalking you, so does it really matter if I am or not?" Akira questioned, stepping closer to Akechi.

Akechi looked slightly ruffled, clearly not expecting Akira to have figured him out quite so well. Akira felt pleased with himself.

"Even if I did like it, I would like to know what I'm signing up for," Akechi huffed. Akira found himself staring at Akechi's lips, slightly more chapped than usual from the cold air. He could see Akechi's breath.

"But isn't my mystery part of my appeal?" Akira asked. 

"Implying you have any appeal," Akechi said, but he was smiling. 

The rest of the line had gone inside, and Akira and Akechi were left by the door. Akira's expression was smug as he opened the door, holding it for Akechi. "After you," he said. 

"I bet you do this for all the boys," Akechi's eyes rolled as he walked in. "Or girls. Or whoever. Not sure what your preference is."

Akira chuckled. "My preference is you."

Akechi pretended not to hear him as they entered. They both gravitated towards their usual table. The bar had a little more of a crowd than they were used to, as a singer was going to be performing today. The bartender spotted Akira and Akechi and gave them a wave. Akira didn't realize just how much time he was actually spending with Akechi, enough for them to have a regular table and for the bartender to greet them. This delighted him, but he knew better than to express that.

Akechi and Akira sat across the table from each other. Neither of them spoke, though it wasn't a bad thing. Part of what he liked about Akechi was the comfortable silence. They didn't have to constantly be interacting, they could just exist side by side and know that the other was there. They had no need to constantly fill the air with sound. Each other's presence was simply just _enough_. 

The singer's voice rang through the room, and Akira watched as Akechi closed his eyes to the tune. It was something he always did when the bar had a singer, and Akira had learned to wait for it. He relished those moments where Akechi looked at peace. The perpetual tension that boiled beneath his facial features was nowhere to be found. The only other place where Akechi seemed so carefree was during his visits to Leblanc. Music, coffee, food, and witty banter seemed to be the keys to unlocking Akechi's heart.

"You know," Akira began, "this is one of the only times you ever actually look at peace."

"And yet, you're still willing to disturb it," Akechi said, but Akira knew he was biting back a smile. 

"If my presence is so unwanted, I can always move tables," Akira taunted. 

"That won't be necessary," Akechi responded curtly. 

Akira let out a chuckle. "So you want me here?" 

"There you go with putting words in my mouth," Akechi broke eye contact.

"Just tell me, Akechi," Akira insisted. "You can tell me, and I promise I won't run."

"Call me Goro," Akechi spoke softly. If Akira weren't watching his lips, the sultry vocals from the singer would have drowned his words out.

Akira blinked in surprise, trying to register what Akechi- Goro, he corrected himself. He couldn't think of a single person that had ever called Goro by his first name. He had no family, and kept everyone else on a last name basis. Akira knew that by giving him permission to use his first name, Akira was being let closer than anyone else. Though it wasn't quite the confession Akira was aching to hear, it still made his heart race. This was something he had daydreamed about. It also cemented deep in Akira's heart that whatever was happening between them was real, quite possibly the most real thing either of them had ever known.

"Goro," Akira spoke the name eagerly like it was on his tongue his whole life. "Have you been waiting for someone to call you that?" 

Goro's face was reddening. Akira realized this was the softer Goro Akechi rather than the one he was used to. This is the person that mumbled to him sleepily over the phone and argued with him about Star Wars. "No, I wasn't waiting for _someone_ " Akechi spoke breathily. "I was waiting for you."

Akira's heart pounded, a beating drum in his chest. "I think I've been waiting for you too," he said.

The concert came to its conclusion, reminding Akira that a world exists outside of his table for two with Goro. They both got up, heading out into the cold town. Snow was still trickling down, a light breeze carrying the flakes. 

Once they got away from the crowd, Akira laced his arm through Goro's. Goro looked taken aback, but he did not shy away. They walked with locked arms to the subway. Akira wasn't sure how else to describe the feeling of their arms entwined besides complete. It was an overwhelming sense of familiarity and belonging, a voice screaming out in his mind that this was home and that this was where he belonged. It felt like all of their parts had come together to create something new, different from what either of them had ever known. It was the simplest, smallest touch, but Akira was strung out. If he didn't get more, the withdrawals would simply destroy him.

They arrived at the crowded subway station, and Goro unlinked their arms. Akira tried not to feel a little snubbed about it. The last train to Yongen-Jaya would be arriving any minute.

"Come back with me," Akira practically pleaded.

"I haven't been in my right mind tonight," Goro stepped back. "We can't do this. I'm sorry for any mixed signals." 

"Mixed signals is the understatement of the century," Akira snapped. He was beginning to feel a little frustrated. 

"What did you honestly expect?" Goro yelled with a deranged bark of laughter. "Seriously, what? That we're in this fake world and can put our differences aside? That there's nothing wrong with you snuggling up to a serial killer? This won't work in this universe, or any universe."

"Are you kidding me?" Akira was exasperated. "This would work in _any_ universe. You're what I wanted then, and you're still what I want now."

"You're not getting it. This isn't a fairytale, and I'm not a monster you can transform with a kiss," Goro's eyes watered slightly. 

"It's a good thing I don't want to transform you," Akira stepped closer to Goro. "I want to embrace you. All of you. I want you to whisper every fucked up thing you've ever done in my ear, and I'll tell you mine. I want everything that you are."

"Akira," Goro's voice dropped. He shuffled slightly towards Akira. His hand went up to touch Akira's face, but he dropped it. Akira grabbed Goro's wrist, his thumb caressing the veins.

Akira's fingers laced through Goro's scarf, pulling Goro close to him. He could feel the fog from Goro's parted lips graze against his own, and he went to join them.

Before Akira could make contact, Goro yanked his wrist away from Akira. He stepped back. He pulled back so sharply that the scarf that was still in Akira's grasp fell to the floor. His face was red and he bent hurriedly to pick it up. The train arrived behind Akira, screeching to a hault.

"Goro," Akira called over the sound of the doors opening. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep." 

"Goodnight, Akira," Goro said, wrapping his scarf around his neck as he walked off into the crowd.

Akira wanted to chase him, but this was the last train. He decided to count his losses tonight and get on the train. His head was hung low as he found a spot to stand. Part of him was afraid that Goro would never speak to him again, but he also knew Goro better than that. He knew it would be a matter of time before Goro was back. They were two flames dancing around each other, worried that the world would combust from their combined heat. Akira reassured himself of this, but there was a strange hollowness at his side where Goro Akechi once was, an emptiness in his soul, and he desperately wished he were not riding this train back home alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, my writing process is 1 sentence a day.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	3. The Right Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After rejecting Akira, Goro Akechi falls into a minor depressive episode.

Goro woke up the next morning with an ache in his chest and a heavy pit in his stomach. Memories of the previous night immediately started replaying in his mind, and he longed to just shut it all off. He could still feel Akira's fingers around his wrist, his warm breath against his face. How it took every ounce of self control he had to turn away when Akira went in for that kiss. He hated himself for not giving in, but he would have hated himself more if he had. He couldn't tell Akira the truth about his situation, but maybe it would have made it easier on them both if he could.

He reached over for his phone, swiping it unlocked and checking the message that was sent to him overnight. "Hope you made it home safe," the text from Akira said. Goro felt his insides flutter, and he snuffed it out the sensation with his hopelessness. He couldn’t let himself grow accustomed to this.

Goro Akechi was a dead man walking in every sense of the phrase. The moment they returned back to reality, he was going to die. Everything Akira was attempting to build with him would be for naught. Goro rolled over and pulled the blanket over his head. He wasn't ready to face the world or Akira yet. Goro was sickened with himself for succumbing to this level of self pity, as it was very unbecoming. He could lament the unfairness of the world all he wanted, but it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't make him survive his miserable, lonely death behind that shutter door. 

Goro used to pride himself on his cruelty. Something changed in him. In the past, he would have killed as many people as he needed, done anything he could, just to be special to someone. Now, he was special to someone without trying. It was everything he could have wanted, but taking it would be one of the cruelest things he could ever do. He couldn't let Akira fall in love with him, only to find upon returning to the real world that his beloved is no more. It was wrong. Goro couldn't do that to the only person who mattered to him.

He grabbed his phone and pulled it under the covers with him, opening a music app and blasting a sad song on his Bluetooth speaker. He knew this was pathetic, it was completely and utterly pathetic. Still, he couldn't bring himself to get out of bed. Pathetic or not, he felt the weight of his sadness crushing him down, keeping him under those blankets. He felt his eyes sting with tears, a ghost of his father's voice in his head mocking him, calling him weak, and maybe he was.

He really hated this. Akira felt like the family that had been missing for so long, he felt unconditional. Goro had never experienced anything like it. He told himself that his relationship with Akira was a rivalry, but that was just because it was easier to call it that than to accept that this person was everything he had ever wanted. Goro made it a competition, assured himself he detested him, when he would have even died if it meant he could be good for Akira, important to Akira. Actually, he did die for it.

Maybe it would have been easier for them both if they never wound up in this universe together. They could have let each other go easier. Goro Akechi could have died in peace, doing the right thing, and Akira could have moved on and forgotten him. More time together was only going to make it harder. Goro could only let Akira get so close. Any closer and he would inevitably shatter his heart. He had done so much wrong in his life up to this point. The least he could do is push Akira away, go back to the real world, and accept his own brutal end. 

Emotions continued to swirl rapidly in Goro's head, and he closed his eyes. He tried to let the music drown out everything he was thinking. He knew he was acting childish, cowardly even. He had known what was going to happen to him from the moment he and Akira agreed to go back to reality. Why was it hitting him now? Goro glanced back at the text that Akira sent him, wanting to savor every drop of care he received from him. In that moment, Goro realized why he felt so devastated. Up until now, he had nothing to lose. He was in it for himself and no one else. 

Goro proceeded to spend the rest of his day rotting in bed. He switched between the same four different social media apps for hours, a sad playlist on repeat for background noise. His hair was messy and in need of a brushing, his stomach growled but he refused to get out of bed and perform basic self care. After all, what was even the point of caring for this vessel? He was going to die in that engine room, his demons and the shadows as his only company. It was rare that he allowed himself to fall into such deep self-pity. 

The sun was starting to go down, and Goro realized he had wasted his entire day. His apartment had gotten messier than he realized over the recent weeks. Takeout containers were littering the counters. A modest pile of laundry sat at the foot of his bed. He walked into the kitchen, putting a kettle of water on the stove. He poured ground coffee into the French press, the scent giving him one of his first doses of joy all day. He had always been fond of the smell of coffee, but recently it had also come to remind him of Akira, and of home. He added the hot water into the French press. Once the coffee was done steeping, he filled a mug and brought the coffee back to his bed. 

He flipped on the TV. Just because he wasted his day, he didn't have to waste his evening. 

Goro's phone lit up with an incoming call from Akira. His heart started to race. It wasn't that he didn't want to answer. It was more that he couldn't. He rejected the call. 

A text from Akira: You know, the polite thing to do is let the call go to voicemail.

Goro asked himself if there was any harm in replying. He couldn't handle Akira's voice right now, but maybe this was fine. 

Goro replied: When have I ever done the polite thing?

Akira: He speaks!

Goro felt his lips curl into a smile against his will. It was dangerous how normal Akira made him feel, when he was fundamentally abnormal. He locked his phone. He couldn't do it. Any contact with Akira was too much for him. It had to be all or nothing. He opened up a show to mindlessly zone out on while he sipped his coffee. His stomach occasionally let out a whine of hunger, to which Goro would continuously suppress with his black coffee. It wasn't like he wanted to starve. It was just that nothing had any appeal. He wanted to disintegrate into his mattress.

Goro couldn't deny to himself that he was fixated on Akira. He half paid attention to the TV show, allowing his mind to wander. He caught himself imagining Akira's head pressed against his chest, Goro's arm draped around him- No. He cut the thought off. He didn't get a happy ending. He would only ever know darkness, and he couldn't allow himself to engage in such silly thoughts. It was frustrating, nonetheless. As much as he told himself he couldn't think about Akira, all he thought about was Akira. He wasn't sure if he would ever stop thinking about Akira. He would take his last breath thinking about Akira, and it sickened him to lose this much of himself. Still, he found himself wondering if Akira was thinking about him.

Akira probably was thinking about him. They were connected. Goro knew that they were connected, whether he liked it or not. Almost as if to confirm their connection, Goro's phone lit up from another call from Akira. Not having it in him to reject a second time, he picked up. 

"You're quite bad at taking hints," Goro answered. 

"Am I bad at hints?" Akira asked. "Or are you just too afraid to tell me what you want?" 

"What _I_ want?" Goro asked. "When have you ever cared what I want?" 

"I care about what you want more than you do," Akira spoke with self assuredness.

Goro paused. "Then why haven't you given up?" 

"Because that's not what you want," Akira answered with a cocky attitude that made Goro want to kill him.

"I want you to stop acting like this isn't delusional," Goro was starting to regret picking up the phone. Maybe it would be impossible for them to have a productive conversation.

"Then you stop acting like you didn't want me to kiss you as much as I wanted to," Akira's words came out harsh, and Goro could tell he was still wounded. "Stop acting like you can just run away from this. You can't. We just keep circling back to each other, we always do, so stop running."

"Stop condemning me for being the only one of us to be thinking rationally," Goro snapped. "Don't act like you're entitled to me, because you aren't." 

"You're not being rational," Akira argued. "You're being selfish and a coward. And this isn't even about entitlement. This is about you pretending that this isn't happening."

"Have you considered that I'm only trying to have your best interest at heart?" Goro implored. "That maybe for once in my life I'm trying to do the right thing?" 

"That's not true," Akira responded. "This isn't about me or the right thing. You're being a coward and you're running instead of going after what you want. You're being selfish because you're ignoring my wishes and what _I_ think might be best for me. You dance and run because this is real, and you're terrified." 

"Stop trying to analyze my psyche and use your brain," Goro spoke harshly. "If you thought with your head instead of your heart for one moment, you would figure it out. Spoiler alert: we don't get a happy ending. We don't ride off into the sunset together."

"Who cares about the ending?" Akira was annoyed. "I don't. I care about the now. We're both here, we both want this. Everything else is irrelevant." 

"It's not that easy," Goro let out a sad sigh. 

"It can be," Akira's voice was earnest. "When we tune out the background noise, everything is easy with us."

"That's true," Goro said, feeling his walls come down slightly. "Our connection has felt more natural than anything in my life." 

"Then can you stop pushing it away?" Akira asked. "Can you just let whatever happens happen?" 

"Can you let me think about it?" was the only answer Goro could come up with. He couldn't will himself to reject Akira entirely, but he didn't feel ready to let him go full steam ahead.

"Alright, think about it. And when you're ready, I'll be here." 

Goro felt a warmth in his cheeks. Akira's patience with him was something he would never be able to understand. "I should probably head to sleep," he said.

"Have you ever imagined falling asleep with me?" Akira's tone was playful.

"You're ridiculous," Goro said, unwilling to answer the question.

"Well since you're not saying no," Akira started, and Goro could hear the smirk in his voice, "what else have you imagined?"

"Throttling you," Goro mused. "Wrapping my fingers around your neck and squeezing till you're blue."

The line got quiet. Goro wondered if he went too far. Akira eventually laughed and said, "We might be able to work something out."

"I'm hanging up now," Goro said, blood rushing to his face and his crotch. 

"Sweet dreams," Akira's voice was mischievous as he disconnected.

Goro bit his lip, starved for more the moment Akira hung up. With Akira's presence gone, despondency resurfaced. It was like Akira was the only thing that kept it at bay. Goro felt guilty for entertaining Akira, knowing what fate had in store for them. Akira did say that he didn't care about their ending. If he really meant that, then maybe it would be okay for Goro just to let himself have this. He put his show back on, letting it play as his mind raced over Akira. Eventually, he drifted off into a deep sleep, drool saturating his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter fell out of my fingertips because I haven't written Akechi in 3 years and I was itching for it. I hope the POV switch wasn't too jarring! 
> 
> As a side note, if anyone is interested in my [writing playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ZMBUn7VfnG0cdgVbeFBiT?si=NgKDB7qDSJa39rEgdNmo_A) I wanted to shamelessly plug it. I highly recommend not shuffling it!
> 
> Anyway, thanks as always to everyone that has taken the time to read this fic! It means so much to me.


	4. Stalker Tendencies (but we don't talk about it.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goro, shocked and upset that Akira's world doesn't seem to be revolving around him, decides to pay Leblanc a visit.

Goro woke feeling groggy the next morning. He pulled hair that was stuck to his face off of it, trying to run his fingers through the tangles. He glanced around his apartment, only now feeling some regret for how messy he allowed it to get. He unlocked his phone and discovered that it wasn't morning like he originally suspected, it was noon. Goro couldn't remember the last time he let himself sleep till noon. His life had been meticulously scheduled out and controlled over the last few years. In a way, it was kind of nice. It was rare he woke up feeling rested. 

After allowing himself a few minutes of relaxing in bed, he willed himself into the shower. In the shower, he finally managed to get the knots out of his hair. As he massaged the conditioner through his locks, his mind wandered to Akira's mess of curls. How did Akira look upon waking up? Goro almost ached for the sight. He imagined Akira stepping into the bathroom, taking off his crooked glasses, a messy poof of hair, and kissable lips walking in to join him in the shower. He stopped himself before his brain could go any further, and finished up rinsing his hair. 

Once Goro was out of the shower, he brewed coffee, turned up music, and decided to tackle the disaster that was his apartment. After all, part of him was hoping for a visitor soon. That wasn't why he was cleaning, though. It definitely wasn't, he assured himself. He gathered up the laundry, shoving what he could in the washing machine. He separated the rest into the "dry clean only" pile. With the washing machine going, he focused on collecting the trash that he had let take over his apartment. He hadn't even noticed how many times he had done takeout recently until he was left to deal with the containers, forgotten ghosts of his past.

By the time he had finished with his final cleaning steps, vacuuming, taking out the trash, and putting the clothes in the dryer, evening had befallen. Goro found his mood starting to shift in a negative direction as no contact from Akira yet today. Maybe Akira was trying to do what Goro had requested, giving him space and time to think. The problem was, Goro didn't truly want either of those things. He wanted Akira. He was able to deny himself of it when he didn't know that Akira wanted him back. 

Goro grabbed his pile of things for the dry cleaners. He had already decided he was going to Leblanc, but he could at least make it productive and drop his things off at the cleaners while he was out. When his errand completed, he stood on the subway to Yongen-Jaya, feeling his heart hammer and his stomach flutter. It was a snowy evening, flakes crash landing against the train window. The sun had been down for quite awhile by the time Goro stepped onto the Yongen-Jaya streets. Would Akira even be around? He decided he would take his chances. 

As he approached Leblanc, he spotted a familiar red ponytail bobbing on the other side of the street. It was Sumire Yoshizawa, having just left Leblanc. She walked at a brisk pace, rosy cheeked, and Goro thought he saw tears in her eyes. He decided not to stop her, as these situations were better left to Akira. He didn't enjoy the emotional labor quite as much as Akira did. Goro waited for Sumire to be out of sight before crossing the street. She hadn't seemed to have noticed him, so he continued to make his way.

The sign on the cafe door was flipped to closed, but the light inside was still on. Goro decided to take his chances with a knock. He hoped that Akira would be the one to answer and not Sojiro, Futaba, or Morgana. However, now that Morgana was a cat again, maybe he didn't really have to worry about that last option. The door opened and Goro was met with a tuft of black hair surrounding the glasses that were too big for Akira's face. He was in his apron, and Goro could have just devoured him right then and there.

"Didn't you see the closed sign?" Akira asked, ironically holding the door open. 

"I can't think of a single time you have respected any sort of sign," Goro said, entering the cafe.

"Grab a seat," Akira beckoned to the one closest to the kitchen.

Goro obliged, getting in the chair that he was instructed to. Akira went behind the counter. 

"What will you be having tonight?" Akira had a playful twinkle in his eye. 

"I didn't come for food or coffee," Goro responded. 

Akira leaned in over the counter, his lips close to Goro's. "Well, that's too bad, because we're having curry." 

Goro felt his stomach rumble from the words. Despite all of his productivity today, he had forgotten the most basic of basics: eat food. "Curry sounds great." 

"You didn't really have a choice," Akira said as he stirred the simmering liquid. "You're on my time, now." 

Goro laughed quietly, feeling as close to at peace as he could for the first time in days. However, there was still something in the back of his mind. "Was that Yoshizawa leaving here?" 

Akira paused and shifted his gaze. "It was." 

"Why are you so nervous?" Goro asked, alarm bells going off in his head. 

"She was confessing to me," Akira kept his eyes on the curry. 

"My, aren't you popular as ever?" Goro laughed, but panic was welling up inside of him. He should have expected competition.

Akira stopped what he was doing, walked over to Goro. He laced his fingers through Goro's. "I turned her down. Don't kill her." 

"Bold of you to assume that I would kill for you," Goro's eyes narrowed, warmth spreading upwards through his hand from the contact with Akira. 

Akira's free hand brushed against Goro's bangs. "I'm starting to think I would for you. Part of me wanted to with Shido. Well it would have been for us. I selfishly wanted him dead, too."

Goro pulled his hand away, feeling like he wouldn't be able to contain himself much longer at this rate. He had never felt more attracted to Akira. "Hey, please don't burn the curry. I'll be forced to leave a bad review on my blog," he said to diffuse the tension.

"Yes, sir," Akira said in a mock obedient voice.

Goro watched, slightly impressed as Akira worked expertly in the kitchen. He had never had anyone really show him how to cook, and thus had relied on restaurants and microwaved meals to sustain him for most of his life. Akira grabbed two plates, scooping healthy portions of rice and curry onto both of them. The smells of coffee filled the air as he poured drip coffee into two mugs. He slid a plate and mug over to Goro, and set one for himself at the chair next to him.

"Why did you reject Yoshizawa?" Goro wondered in between bites of curry that he shoveled into his mouth. 

"You already know why," Akira rolled his eyes. "You just want to make me say it." 

Goro half expected Akira to play into his game and was surprised when he didn't. "Well, yes." 

"I like the honesty, so I'll reward you," Akira said with his trademark playful smile. "I rejected her because I want someone else." 

Goro almost choked on his rice. He took a sip of his coffee to get it down. "A life with her would be a lot less complicated than whatever you'll get with this other person." 

"When have I ever taken the easy way out?" Akira inquired. "If you haven't noticed by now, I kind of seek out complications. Now stop being jealous, and eat your food." 

Goro didn't realize that he was jealous until Akira pointed it out. It terrified him that someone else may have felt what he did for Akira. His perpetual inferiority complex would make it hard for him to ever be comfortable with that idea. He continued to shovel food into his mouth, trying not to let his thoughts wander to dark places. "Thank you for dinner," he finally managed to say. 

"It's just the usual curry," Akira said. "You don't have to thank me."

"Well, it's rare I get to eat anything this delicious without having to pay for it," Goro said. 

"Oh, that's awkward," Akira bit his lip nervously. "I thought you were getting the bill."

"And here I was, planning a dine and dash," Goro was laughing.

"But seriously, you don't cook much?" Akira asked with genuine interest.

"Between a dead mother, foster homes, and becoming a hit-man, I didn't really have the time to take up the hobby, no," Goro was chuckling despite the serious subject matter. 

Akira paused, thinking. His brow was furrowed. He scooped a few more bites of curry into his mouth. "Come back tomorrow," Akira finally suggested. 

"Because we both have nothing better to do besides waste our days here. Some of us have jobs."

"I didn't realize your schedule was so busy, detective," Akira jested.

"Quite busy," Goro assured. "I have several important things on the agenda, such as sleeping till noon and picking up my dry cleaning."

"Well, clearly, you're booked," Akira said. "But if you are able to make room in your schedule, a spot in my cooking class just opened up." 

"Your cooking glass?" Goro asked, knowing Akira was trying to bait him into something.

"Yes, for curry," Akira was smiling. "A once in a lifetime opportunity to learn to make the mildly locally famous Leblanc curry." 

"A tempting offer," Goro responded. "I'll see if I can squeeze you in."

"I'm humbled by your generosity," Akira said. "In the off chance you are able to make time for me, you should wake up earlier than you planned and get here around noon."

Goro was playing coy, but his pulse was racing. The idea of him and Akira alone in Leblanc midday seemed more intimate than their other hangouts, minus the one where they were _actually_ naked. That one was pretty intimate, but this was a different sort of intimacy. Leblanc was a place that had always felt like home to him. This was almost as if he and Akira would be in their home cooking together. He felt his palms get clammy. This sort of familial behavior was foreign to Goro, even made his skin crawl with discomfort. Things might have been getting a little too real too quickly for him, but he also didn't want to shy away anymore. He wanted to leap.

They both finished their curry and Goro couldn't remember the last time he had felt more satisfied with a meal. "Well, I suppose I should get out of your hair," he said. 

Akira stood to walk Goro out. They approached the door. Instead of opening the door, Akira backed Goro to it. He was biting his lip and his eyes lingered on Goro's lips. He looked starved despite the meal they had just enjoyed together. 

Goro's pulse was racing and he wanted nothing more than to indulge Akira, to throw himself at him and join their lips. Akira leaned in closer, his fingers reaching upward and toying with a lock of Goro's hair. He brought his face closer to Goro's neck, and Goro could feel Akira's breath against his skin. Akira's fingers wrapped around Goro's wrist. Akira's warm lips met Goro's neck, trailing kisses up to his jaw. Goro let out a shaky breath, feeling his knees weakening. His fingers laced through Akira's curls, gripping for support. 

Just as Akira was about to join their lips, they started to hear a scratching sound from the other side of the door. 

"Hey, did you completely forget about me?" called a shrill high pitched voice. 

Akira's eyes widened as they both recognized the voice as Morgana. He quickly pulled away from Goro, and Goro opened the door. He knew his face was flushed, but Morgana wouldn't think anything of it. 

"Oh, Akechi," Morgana said, surprised. "Is it your fault he forgot me?"

"I was just heading out," Goro kept his tone nonchalant. "I kept him longer than intended." 

"Sorry, Morgana," Akira gave the cat a pat on the head that he and Goro both knew he hated. "Let's get to bed."

Akira gave Goro a goodbye wave, his cheeks red and his eyes playful. Goro could tell he wasn't thrilled about the interruption. He thought more about the encounter on the train home, and considered the possibility that it was divine intervention. If Akira had kept going, Goro wasn't sure if there would be anything left of him in the morning after Goro was through.

Goro arrived back home, stomach full of curry and head full of Akira. It never even occurred to him that he would ever experience romance, let alone true friendship. He had turned off the part of himself that longed for connection at an early age, learned to replace interviews and press conferences with family and friends. He snuffed out his own loneliness with a longing for revenge. As he started to fall asleep, all he could think about was that if he had even considered that this was a possibility for himself, he might have fought a little harder for his life in that engine room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter took so long. I've edited to the point where i can no longer stand to look at it and just needed to upload it already lmao. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and I hope you're enjoying!
> 
> And be ready for some good ol' painfully cute domesticity next chapter.


	5. Holy Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who else could domesticate Goro Akechi besides Akira?

Akira knew he shouldn't be annoyed with Morgana, that it wasn't Morgana's fault he had such bad timing, but he clearly had lost his mind tonight. Maybe he just needed to take ownership of that. He hadn't even actually asked Sojiro for permission to use Leblanc tomorrow, so he really hoped he would be awake. 

Akira typed the text with desperate fingers: Can I ask a favor? 

Akira paced in his attic, waiting for the reply. A few minutes passed. 

Sojiro: At this hour? What do you want?

Akira: Can I reserve Leblanc for the day tomorrow?

Sojiro: Yeah, whatever. Don't text me this late again unless you're dying.

Akira: Aw, you'd care if I was dying. 

Sojiro read the message, but did not respond. Akira wasn't worried about that, though. All that mattered was that he got his way, and that he would get to have Leblanc to himself and his guest. 

"Your pacing is keeping me awake," Morgana complained from the mattress. 

"And your whining is interrupting my pacing," Akira said, slightly bitter at the creature even when he knew he shouldn't be.

Akira should get ready for bed. He would have to wake up in the morning and make sure everything was perfect for when Goro arrived. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous. Goro had been to Leblanc countless times, but this time felt different. His heart was racing and there were butterflies in his stomach, but most of all, he was excited. 

He paced around the room a little longer, mapping out the day in his mind. He would wake up early and check the inventory. If there was anything that they needed, he would run to the store and pick up the ingredients. Akira also considered pre-chopping the veggies before Goro arrived, but it seemed like more fun to get him to do it. After all, he wanted to give him an authentic cooking experience. Goro would be insulted if Akira took away any of the challenge.

Akira flopped onto his bed. He wasn't tired at all. His stress induced insomnia had been subbed out for excited insomnia. The coffee with dinner might have also contributed, but that wasn't a discussion he was willing to have with himself yet. He had two major vices that he refused to give up: coffee and Goro Akechi. After what felt like ages of scrolling through social media in the dark, Akira's eyes forced themselves shut.

Akira awoke the next morning, butterflies still fluttering nervously in his stomach. Morgana was up and about already, wandering around the attic. 

"Hey, where's Sojiro? I woke up breakfast-less," Morgana lamented. "I'm gonna starve."

"Oops, sorry," Akira said guiltily. "I'm taking over the cafe today. Would you be able to go hang with him and Futaba today?" 

"Ugh, fine, but at least feed me before you toss me out," Morgana grumbled.

Akira laughed and walked downstairs with the cat. He opened the pantry for the canned food and scooped it into Morgana's bowl. 

"What about my treat?" Morgana's tone was accusatory.

"Treat?" Though Akira told Sojiro he would feed the cat, Sojiro kind of took over entirely. It wasn't like Akira wasn't going to take care of Morgana, it was more like Sojiro just wanted to.

"Yeah, it's my treat day. In the fridge. You're a terrible pet owner." Morgana rolled his eyes.

"Good thing you're not a cat," Akira teased.

He opened the fridge for the treat per Morgana's instructions. In the fridge, a container was labeled "For Morgana" and Akira opened it. In the container was fresh tuna. 

"You're spoiled rotten," Akira said as he dumped the tuna into the bowl.

"Maybe so," Morgana said fondly as he lapped up the food in his bowl.

Once Morgana finished eating, Akira sent him on his way. He knew better than to ask questions about why he was being kicked out and went along with it. Akira went through the fridge, making sure he had all of the curry ingredients ready to go. The carrots, potatoes, spices, and the secret ingredient (apple jam) were all accounted for. With the confirmation that he had all the ingredients together, he worked on getting himself ready.

After he showered and brushed his teeth, he tossed on his clothing, a simple black sweater and pants today. He also gathered two aprons and the pot that they would be cooking in. Everything was set for Goro to arrive. Now all he had to do was wait. He looked at the clock on his phone, and it was nearing noon. His heart was racing in anticipation, but he maintained an outwardly relaxed demeanor. Akira found himself worrying that Goro was going to think this entire gesture was corny and repulsive. There was a knock on the door, pulling Akira out of his paranoia. 

He checked to see who was on the other side of the door before opening it, but it was Goro. Akira opened the door quickly. Goro's hair was, as usual, a magnet to the snowfall that was looking for a place to land. _Oh, to be a snowflake landing in Goro's hair,_ Akira stupidly thought. 

"If this class goes well, I might have to feature you," Goro held up his phone with the camera on, as if to take a picture of him and Akira for his blog. 

Akira found himself feeling playful, and put his arm around Goro's waist, pulling him close as Goro went to snap the picture. The result was a slightly blurry image of a flustered, red-faced Goro and Akira with a shit eating grin. "I'm sure your readers would love this one."

"And sully my blog with your face?" Goro said, but he was smiling.

Akira threw an apron at Goro. "Just for that, you're going to be doing all of the chopping." What Akira knew that Goro didn't was that Goro was going to be doing all of the chopping either way.

"I hope you like your veggies unevenly chopped," Goro promised.

"I wouldn't expect any less from a beginner," Akira reassured. He pointed Goro to the knife, ingredients, and cutting board. "That's your station."

"And what will you be doing?" Goro asked as he donned his apron. 

"Overseeing you, and making coffee," Akira put on his apron as well. "I'll help as needed, don't worry." 

"I will do my best to rise above your expectations," Goro spoke with a confidence similar to his demeanor on the battlefield.

Akira watched in awe as Goro did something he had never seen him do before. He pulled a hair tie out of his pockets, and pulled his hair into a tight ponytail with his gloved hands. Akira was feeling some type of way about all of this.

"My eyes are up here," Goro said, noticing Akira was staring. 

Akira pulled his eyes away from Goro and instead focused them on the task at hand. He ground the coffee beans, going with an Ethiopian blend of beans today. He knew Goro would enjoy the flavor notes, and that they would compliment the curry well. As he worked, he opened up the music on his phone and shuffled it. This would have been a lot more romantic if Leblanc had a bluetooth speaker available, but Sojiro was too old and stubborn to buy himself such a thing. Akira made a mental note to pick one up later.

He watched Goro chop carrots methodically. Akira wasn't sure why Goro had pretended like he wasn't good with a knife. The carrot slices were disturbingly even. He smiled to himself when he noticed that Goro was humming along to the music. This was one of those rare moments where he got to observe Goro Akechi at peace. Akira didn't want to get caught staring again so he continued brewing the coffee. As he worked the espresso machine, he wondered if Goro had ever used one. Akira made future mental plans to teach Goro more around the coffee shop.

They worked in a comfortable silence, Akira humming and swaying as he poured coffee into the mugs. Akira noticed how comfortably and well they seemed to be working with each other, almost familial. Suddenly, all of Akira's efforts with Goro up until this point felt truly worth it. Even if they crashed and burned, he was glad he got to experience this at least once.

Goro walked over, interrupted Akira's train of thought by grabbing the coffee he had just poured. "Delicious," he complimented. "The vegetables are done. What do you have for me next?" 

There was something playful about the way Goro said it. Was Goro _openly_ flirting? Akira smiled. "Grab the spices I have lined up by the pot. You're gonna make a roux." 

For the first time all afternoon, Goro looked ruffled and Akira let out a chuckle. 

"The most complicated thing I can cook is the fancy instant noodles, so this is quite a leap," Goro spoke nervously as he brought the spices over to the pot. Akira noticed he was carrying the bottles in gloved hands.

"Goro, you're ridiculous, lose the gloves," Akira instructed. "You don't want to stain them."

Goro rolled his eyes but took the gloves off, putting them to the side. He mimicked Akira a little bitterly as he walked back to their cooking station. Akira took the butter out of the fridge, dumping some in the pan and turning up the heat. He measured out some flour into a cup for Goro to pour in.

"Once that melts, start stirring in the flour," Akira said as he started to measure out the other spices.

"How do you know how much of each spice to use?" Goro asked, and Akira was surprised by how earnest the question was.

"Oh, sorry. I kind of just eyeball it. Do what feels right. You know?" Akira said. 

"No, I don't know," Goro laughed, but sounded kind of sad. 

"You can pour the red pepper," Akira decided. "That's a good one to practice with since it controls the spiciness and it's entirely to taste."

Goro started to stir the flour into the butter. Akira leaned his head on Goro's free shoulder, watching him work. He reached around Goro's waist and lowered the heat slightly.

"How do you expect me to work in these conditions?" Goro pretended to shun Akira away. 

"Like you haven't worked in worse conditions," Akira spat with a laugh. 

Goro's eyes widened as he cackled. "Too soon, Akira. Too soon. Have you no heart?"

"No, that's why I take everyone else's," Akira sharply jabbed Goro in the ribs. 

Goro dropped the whisk momentarily to jab Akira back, but Akira dodged it. Goro took some of the unused flour and flung it at Akira. Akira's loud laughs rebounded against Leblanc's walls as he lunged at Goro, pinning him against the counter. Goro shoved back against Akira. They were both laughing as they wrestled against each other. It was all fun and games until the scent of burning butter and flour reached their nostrils. Akira relinquished Goro and he ran back to his station. 

"Will it be okay?" Goro asked, his eyes big and nervous. This truly was a side of him Akira had never seen.

"Yeah, don't worry. I've burned many a roux," Akira responded, his tone reassuring.

Akira decided to let Goro focus on stirring, as he wanted to focus on Goro. He wasn't too surprised by how Goro was acting, he had always known that behind the cold act there was an eagerness to please. He just hadn't expected him to be so willing to learn, almost excited to adapt to normal domestic behaviors. It was hard to believe that Goro had killed people, seeing him now, humming along to music as he put every ounce of his concentration into stirring flour and butter.

Akira made an effort to stop psychoanalyzing Goro and get the rice started. He added the water and rice into the rice cooker. By the time it was finished, the curry would be as well. After the rice was situated, he instructed Goro to add the spices in and stir. He let Goro add salt and red pepper to his heart's content. Once it was all stirred together with the apple jam, they added the stock and veggies, brought it to a simmer and covered it.

"How long do we wait?" Goro asked. He was staring intently at the pot, as if his stare were necessary to continue cooking it.

"About an hour," Akira pulled Goro away from the stove. 

"I wish you told me it would take this long or I would have had breakfast," Goro whined. 

"That's a lie, I know you don't eat breakfast either way," Akira spat. 

"How do you know that?" Goro looked genuinely surprised.

"I didn't, you're just kind of a mess, and you're predictable," Akira said with a smirk.

"If I'm predictable, your script was leaked before the movie came out," Goro barked back.

Akira laughed at his own expense and poked at Goro's ribs again. Goro caught Akira's hand, trying to slap him away. Their fingers laced. Akira used it as an opportunity to pinch Goro's cheek with his free hand, and Goro stepped on his foot. Akira gave Goro's ribs another good jab, before trapping Goro and grabbing both of his hands. He started to pull Goro's arms to the tune of the music. 

"I'm not much of a dancer," Goro blurted out as he realized where things were going.

"You can't tell me that, I've watched you pirouette in the Metaverse," Akira said as he continued to make Goro sway.

A hard blush entered Goro's face and Akira let out a boom of laughter. Without thinking, Akira just acted on what felt right, and he pulled Goro into an embrace, still swaying. Much to his surprise, Goro's hands came up and wrapped around him as well. Goro smelled like coffee, gentle cologne, and as Akira slightly buried himself in his neck, he smelled the soft scent of Goro's conditioner. He breathed deeply, taking it all in, every scent that made up Goro Akechi. Goro's grip was unsteady as Akira pulled them closer to each other. They continued to sway, off rhythm. Akira wanted this immortalized in his mind, the feeling of Goro's embrace, the sound of the music. It was a sacred moment, and he knew it would linger in the back of his mind for as long as he lived.

Akira pulled his face out of Goro's neck and hair, eyes landing on his lips. He could care less about the curry when this was right in front of him. Goro noticed where Akira was looking and parted his lips slightly, as if in invitation. The expression in Goro's eyes could only be described as hungry, and who was Akira to deny him? He smiled at Goro, ran his fingers through the long bangs in his face, pushing them out of the way. Goro bit his lip. Akira's fingers laced with Goro's as he brought their lips together.

At first, the kiss was shy and sweet. The two were slow and uncertain, grazing and exploring each other's lips for the first time. Akira closed his eyes, leaning into it. Goro was practically melted against the counter at his lips and fingertips, and Akira relished how easily he unraveled. Akira wondered how much further Goro would come apart, just how deeply he was longing for it. Akira started to kiss Goro harder, and Goro matched the intensity.

Akira slipped his tongue into Goro's enticing mouth, savoring the coffee flavor he found there. Goro's breath was slightly shaky as Akira's tongue roamed. Goro bit down on Akira's lip as he pulled away for air and Akira let out a low gasp. Their eyes locked, and Akira took a deep breath before going right back for more. The kiss resumed with greater intensity this time, Goro's hands were locked in Akira's curls. Breaking for air again, Akira kissed up and down Goro's neck and jaw. Goro's knees shook as he clung onto Akira for support. 

Akira wanted to play a game. How much could he get Goro to unravel at his fingertips? How much could he get this control freak to let loose? His hands went around Goro's back, down to his legs, pulling them up around Akira. Once he had Goro situated between himself in the counter, he resumed their kiss. Goro's legs squeezed tightly around Akira and his hands tugged at his hair as Akira bit down on Goro's lip, sucking slightly.

The kiss felt like an explosion of every tense moment between the two over the course of their relationship. It felt like it was all leading up to this. Every longing stare, every sarcastic comment, every debate, and every hangout, was leading up to Goro Akechi absolutely melting from Akira's touches, kisses so sloppy and hungry that an onlooker would have been embarrassed watching it. It was what they were both wanting from each other, but they were always too afraid to just ask.

Akira continued to kiss at Goro's lips frantically like a man possessed. He wasn't sure if he would ever be satiated. Goro was reciprocating between labored breaths. Akira peeked at him, admiring the sight of a red faced, messy haired, heavy lidded Goro. His lips were swollen, but they weren't swollen enough, so Akira tugged on them some more with his teeth. Goro bucked slightly against Akira with longing. Akira chuckled against Goro's lips. 

"How long have you wanted this?" Akira asked, breaking the kiss.

Goro tried to avoid the question by leaning in to resume the kiss.

"Nope," Akira pulled his lips further away. "Tell me how long."

"Since I've met you," Goro blurted out. "Since the moment I met you. It's all I could think about."

Akira smiled, pleased even though he already knew the answer. To reward Goro's answer, he kissed him slowly and deeply. "Me too," he whispered.

Goro seemed enthused by this, kissing Akira somehow even more eagerly than before. Akira could have stayed like that for the rest of the afternoon, into the evening. Could have taken Goro up to his bedroom and probably even explored him for days without getting bored. But it seemed the universe had other plans for them, and the timer Akira had set for the curry went off. 

Akira and Goro looked at each other in surprise, both had entirely forgotten that there was a task at hand and a world outside of each other's bodies. Akira backed away from Goro, allowing him to slide off of the counter. 

His hair was still in a ponytail but his bangs were in complete and utter disarray, and there were many wrinkles in his clothes that weren't there previously. Akira was pretty pleased with the results. Disheveled looked good on Goro.

Akira reached to straighten his glasses only to discover that they were no longer on his face. At some point during their clash, his glasses had fallen onto the floor. He picked them up, realizing that Goro wasn't the only one who looked roughed up.

"So glad it's ready, I was getting rather bored," Goro quipped.

"Yes, you definitely felt bored pressed against me," Akira said with a laugh as he began to scoop rice onto their plates.

"I've had better," Goro teased, a perpetual brat, but Akira already knew that.

"Well, next time, you'll have to give me the lesson," Akira humored him, spooning a healthy portion of curry onto both plates. 

He turned on the news for them to chat over as they ate, and Akira had never felt more at peace in his life. His soul felt at home, eating curry at Leblanc with Goro, curry that they made together.

"I never thought that this could be my life," Goro spoke between bites, his voice was quiet.

"Would it have changed anything?" Akira questioned. 

"So much," Goro looked down with watery eyes. "I have to admit, we did a really good job with this curry," he tacked on to lighten the mood. 

"It makes me think we were always meant to work together instead of apart," Akira said. 

"Isn't that a bit of a leap?" Goro wondered. 

"Maybe, but it's pretty delicious," Akira answered, and they both laughed as they ate. 

The idle conversation continued on throughout the meal. After they ate, Goro stuck around, helping Akira with the dishes and cleaning up. They worked in the kitchen together with a sort of synchronicity. Akira wasn't kidding when he said they worked better together. 

When the cleanup was done, Goro lingered for a couple more hours. He and Akira talked and laughed until the sun started to go down. Akira's heart ached because he knew this day was going to end soon. He didn't want it to end. He wanted this to be his own personal little forever, and for the first time, he sincerely understood why everyone else was so willing to stay in this fake paradise.

"I should probably start heading back," Goro sounded slightly dejected. At least Akira could take comfort in knowing that Goro didn't want the day to end either. 

"Let me walk you to the station," Akira insisted. 

Goro slid his gloves back on, wrapped his scarf around his neck and put on his coat. They walked to the station, arm in arm, Akira's head slightly leaning on Goro's shoulder. Yongen-Jaya had never felt more mesmerizing, as he walked side-by-side with Goro, watching snow dance in the light from the street lamps, the fog that came from Goro's lips every time he spoke idle chitchat. 

"By the way, I was lying when I told you I had better," Goro said as they reached the platform.

"I know you were," Akira laughed. "I wasn't worried about it. You always say the opposite of what you mean."

Goro looked embarrassed over his own vulnerability, and Akira gave him a peck on the lips. The peck turned into something deeper as Goro's hands grabbed Akira's face. Before the kiss could continue, Akira reminded himself that they were in the middle of the subway platform, and pulled away.

"Thank you for today," Goro was speaking softer than Akira was used to, and Akira was unable to resist giving him another kiss on the lips in response.

"You surpassed my expectations, by the way. You have a good palette, so I shouldn't be surprised that you're a natural in the kitchen."

Goro looked pleased from all the genuine praise, probably the happiest Akira could remember seeing him. 

"Goodnight, Akira," Goro said as the subway arrived.

"Goodnight, Goro," Akira gave Goro a quick goodbye hug and a peck on the cheek. He waved goodbye as Goro boarded.

Akira walked back to Leblanc that night with an uncharacteristic skip in his step. He understood that these were the types of feelings that people wrote songs and poems about. No matter how far the world took them from each other, his soul would always call for Goro's. The beautiful moments that they had stolen from the universe together would follow him wherever he went. He was irrevocably claimed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has had me ripping out my hair for weeks. As always, thank you for reading and I hope it was worth the wait! I'm sorry if it was too disgustingly sweet lmao.
> 
> Also imagining Hell's Kitchen P5 au with Akira as Gordon Ramsey and the rest of the thieves as the chefs brought me great amusement, so I'll leave you all with that.
> 
> Akira: what are you  
> Ryuji: an idiot sandwich


	6. Immortal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goro hosts his first sleepover.

_Corpse,_ the voice in Goro’s head spat at him as he gazed at his dead-eyed reflection. _You don’t belong here._

Goro continued to wash his face, trying to fend off his own mind. The longer he looked in the mirror, the harder it became. The voice in his head used to be his father, and that felt easier. Projecting his insecurities onto his father was the safer option. Once he realized the malicious voice was his own, that he was the one belittling himself in the mirror all along, things got uncomfortable. He also had to accept that all of his disdain for Akira and his friends was because he saw himself in them, and they were also the type of people that he wanted to be. It was all just a projection to hide how alone, insecure, and afraid he truly was.

 _You’re rotten,_ his inner thoughts continued. _Parasitic even. You’ll never be what you want. You’ll always be this._

Goro slathered moisturizer on his face. His eyes locked with his reflection again, and he felt an urge to smash the glass. Things with Akira were going well, but the better things got, the angrier Goro seemed to feel with himself. It was all a farce. It was for naught. He was going to destroy them both.

As his strength grew weaker, the thoughts grew louder, _Didn’t you want to protect him? Didn’t you want to do something right?_

Goro closed his eyes, gripping the sides of the sink tightly.

_Wrong. Everything you are is wrong._

His rational thoughts started to merge with the paranoid ones. It was becoming harder by the day to figure out what he really felt about himself. He knew who he was and everything he had done. He had never been ashamed about his choices up until now, but for some reason, when he viewed himself as Akira’s partner, it made him sickened. It was reprehensible that he should be the one to stand at Akira’s side.

Then again, he didn’t get to stand at Akira’s side, did he? He was going to die. Every drop of care Akira put into him was a waste of time. Every kiss was a lie. His karma was having this ripped away from him. How he wished he could bask in the afterglow of his stolen moments with Akira, how he longed to forget the fate that was lying in store for him. He didn’t have such luxuries, and he never would.

Then again, he _did_ have the luxury, didn’t he? Goro _could_ stay here. He didn’t have to go back to the real world. He didn’t have to embrace his death. He could stay here and run. But, really, he wouldn’t be happy if he stayed. It would just be another prison. A prison with Akira, but still a prison nonetheless. Maybe it wasn’t his father’s metaphorical prison, or the literal one that he belonged in for the murders, but he did not want to be trapped in someone else’s will ever again. One of the things that he enjoyed the most about Akira was the freedom that Akira had shown him. If he thought the disgust he felt in the mirror was bad now, it would be insurmountable if he let himself succumb to those urges to run and hide, to allow himself to become someone else’s doll once again. 

Goro knew that going back was what he needed to do, though he was frustrated at himself for having such doubts and reconsidering. He was trying to unlearn the selfish way he lived for so long because of Akira, and he would be letting Akira down and himself down should he give up and stay here. He took a deep breath, wishing desperately that he had the nerves of steel that he often pretended to have.

Caring would always be his undoing, wouldn’t it? The times he lost the most sight of himself are when he found himself wrapped up in other people. Caring brought out something ugly in him, something needy, selfish, and cowardly. 

Everything was easier when he was alone. He knew his place unquestionably. He was a wave of destruction, and he was cursed from the moment of his conception. Poison that would infect everything he cared about.

Goro had never been more terrified in his life. Who would have thought that giving his heart to someone would be the scariest thing he’s ever done?

_Now that he's finally mine, will it crumble? Will we go up in extravagant flames, or fall apart in the shadows with a quiet whimper? Will I ruin it? Will he ruin me?_

The thoughts continued to run through his head, but eventually a clearer, stronger voice came into his mind:

_I never want it to end, but if it does, I hope that it ends burning as brightly as when it started._

Goro quickly realized something: He was Akira's. Akira picked him. It didn't matter that he thought Akira deserved better, or that he was afraid of what would happen. Akira picked him and now. It was time that he allowed himself to be claimed. After all, this was everything he had truly ever wanted. The only thing in his way was uncertainty.

Fully giving in to whatever was happening with Akira meant relinquishing some sort of control to Goro. If Goro could have steered them away from ever crossing certain boundaries, maybe he would have been able to prevent agony from the misfortune that was surely awaiting them.

For once, all he wanted to do was set himself free of his guilt and stress. To just simply be. To let whatever was meant to happen, happen. If Goro were to return to his impending death, then at least he died loving somebody like Akira. 

_Oh, there's that word,_ Goro caught himself. 

But that's what it was, wasn't it? 

Everything around them could burn, the world could fracture and break apart underneath them. It didn't matter as long as they were by each other's side. _That_ was love. The person that you would want to spend the apocalypse with. And knowing undoubtedly that even in his death, the magnet of his heart would be pulled towards Akira. Perhaps the only reason his heart was even still beating to this day was because of his chance encounter with Akira at that TV station. How ironic was it that only months prior he was holding a gun to Akira's head and pulling the trigger? He was snuffing out the same hand that reached out to him when he was the most in need. He would have turned out the light on his own life.

Wouldn't it feel good to release control? To just give in to the silly romantic side of himself for once and just allow himself to be loved? 

At the question to himself, Goro felt himself lose any inhibition he had left. He was only human at the end of the day, as much as he wanted to pretend otherwise. 

Goro wanted what he had never had, and he was going to allow himself to have it. He wanted to have Akira over. He wanted to watch movies with him, to talk over the movies so much that they lose track of the plot, to laugh with him into the lonely parts of the night, to witness the way the sunrise dances in the locks of Akira's dark hair. _What a gentle fantasy for such a warped mind,_ Goro mused.

He reached for his phone, dialing Akira's contact info.

"Hey, handsome," Akira said stupidly as he answered the phone.

"I hope you at least checked to see who was calling before answering like that," Goro was already laughing. How was laughter so easy with Akira?

"Oh, that's how I typically answer my phone," Akira was also laughing. "Whether it's Sojiro, Ryuji, Makoto…" 

Smiling into the phone, Goro asked, "Are you free tonight?"

"Even if I wasn't, I would be for you," Akira responded. 

"Did you want to come over?" Goro asked, and the words came out more shy and muffled than he intended. It was his first time ever asking anybody that question and it felt foreign on his tongue.

"Like to your place?" Akira was awful at hiding his surprise. 

"Yes, my place," Goro's tongue felt clumsy. 

"I think I would love that," Akira was eager in his response. "Text me your address?"

"Yes, but wait-" Goro blurted. 

"Yes?"

Goro was panicking. He wasn't used to hosting. It felt like his brain was going to short circuit. What did people usually do at each other's houses? Was he going to make a fool of himself? 

"Goro?" Akira questioned the silence.

"Bring over your arcade game console," Goro decided quickly. "I'm in the mood to demolish you."

"I'd like to see you try," Akira said, and as usual, Goro could hear the smug attitude in his voice. 

"You know I don't try, Akira. I simply just _do,_ " Goro said. 

"Alright, Yoda. See you in a few hours?" 

"Yeah, see you then," Goro smiled wide as he disconnected the line. 

The butterflies in Goro’s stomach were fluttering madly. His heart was pounding in his chest. Even if he was doomed, it was nice that he could feel this way at least once in his life. No longer would he have to die without the experience of having a friend over. It was such a small thing, but to him it meant the world. However, he was exceptionally under prepared for having a guest. Even though he swore he just did laundry and cleaned up his place, it had already scattered itself around the studio.

Goro was frantic as he tried to clean up the room to the best of his ability. He was working ridiculously hard to impress a boy that lived in an attic. Once he finished straightening up the place, it occurred to him that he didn’t have any food for his guest, unless Akira wanted a TV dinner from the freezer. The thought embarrassed Goro enough to where he could have perished right then and there.

He checked the time. He still had an hour or so before Akira would arrive. This was still doable. Goro pulled out his phone, opting to call the sushi place down the street from him. He knew it would be expensive, but he wanted to give Akira that “wow” factor. Besides, it wasn’t like he had too much longer to live. What was the harm in a little overspending? Like those financial savings would help him as he’s bleeding out from a gunshot wound on the floor. _Don’t go there,_ he reminded himself before his brain could go off into the dark place it always seemed to default back to.

By the time Goro got back home with the sushi, the sun was starting to fall in the sky. He put everything in the fridge, since he wasn’t entirely sure when Akira was going to be there. Almost on queue, he heard a rap on the door. HIs heart beat in time with the knocks. Excitement overcame him and he opened the door without checking to make sure who it was first, but thankfully it was Akira.

“That was fast. Were you waiting at the door for me?” Akira teased.

“Like a dog waiting for his master to come home,” Goro said, his tone so flirtatious that it surprised even him.

Akira raised an eyebrow, not expecting it either. Goro grabbed Akira by his scarf, pulling him in. He shut the door behind them, pressing his lips against Akira’s and backing them into the door. Akira dropped the bag he was holding on the floor and took Goro’s face in his hands, kissing him back with urgency.

When they separated, Goro found himself breathless. He never wanted to stop kissing Akira, and he wanted to curse his lungs for coming between them. It was so hard for him to believe that he could kiss Akira whenever he wanted, he felt like he was going to slip away if Goro ever let go.

“So, when you have guests, do you typically not let them make it past the door?” Akira asked.

Goro froze. He knew Akira was just trying to be funny. He didn’t know it was a sensitive subject. Akira was the only person he had invited over. Goro didn’t have to say it aloud. He watched the gears turn in Akira’s head until he figured it out.

“Oh, well, typically you’re supposed to show the person around,” Akira went back into their playful banter.

“Ah, yes. A guided tour of my tiny studio apartment will definitely be necessary,” Goro played along to lighten the mood. He gestured for Akira to follow him. He showed him the kitchen, his bed, and pointed over to where the bathroom is. As he was pointing, his stomach let out a low rumble. He must have forgotten to eat today. “Have you eaten?” he asked Akira.

“Not yet, no,” Akira answered.

“Does sushi sound okay to you?” Goro tried to hide his smile as he knew it was more than okay, but he had to play it coy.

“That sounds expensive,” Akira answered, but Goro knew he was being modest.

“Don’t worry about that,” Goro started to take the sushi out of the fridge. It didn’t have to sit long at all and should still be extremely fresh.

“Wow, I’m feeling kind of spoiled,” Akira clearly wasn’t expecting it.

Goro was beyond pleased with himself. He started to set the table. For a flair, he took the candle by his bedside, placed it on the table and lit it. Akira’s eyes were wide from the display. If only Goro had a bottle of wine. It would have cemented the atmosphere he was trying to create.

“Thank you for all of this,” Akira said. 

Goro felt a blush enter in his face, not expecting the sincerity. “Just eat your dinner,” he mumbled.

The two of them inhaled generous portions of sushi to the point where their stomachs were bursting at the seams. It was the happiest Goro could remember seeing Akira look while eating a meal. He would have gone bankrupt if it meant keeping this expression on Akira’s face. He would have given him every last piece of raw fish that Japan had to offer.

After they shoved down the last few pieces, Akira asked, “So, when are we setting up this console? I’m dying to kick your ass.”

“And I’m dying to break your ego,” Goro’s grin was wide.

He led Akira over to his bed and gestured to the television. He perched himself on the bed and watched as Akira set everything up. Akira handed him a controller as though handing him a duel weapon. They were playing some sort of fighting game, with controls that were trickier than Goro had expected. Though he hadn’t played the game before, he, as always, adapted quickly. Akira won the first round mercilessly, but Goro picked up enough to where he defeated him the second round.

“It’s a little scary how fast you learn,” Akira said.

“But you wouldn’t want me if I weren’t this scary,” Goro replied with a laugh as he landed a combo on Akira.

“Just like you wouldn’t want me if I hadn’t destroyed you so many times,” Akira pulled off a move that knocked out Goro.

“I’m going to get you back for every single time you’ve won tonight, Akira,” Goro’s voice was intense as they started another round. He played better this round, dodging Akira’s moves and landing devastating combinations. It reminded him of those times they fought together in the Metaverse. It almost made him nostalgic.

Akira started to play more defensively once he noticed how well Goro was doing this round. “I thought you put all those revenge fantasies behind you,” Akira said between button mashes.

“Yeah, with Shido. I still have it out for you,” Goro laughed as he pulled off a finishing move on Akira, winning him the round. “That was for you surviving my gunshot wound to the head.”

They were tied now. Akira and him were both playing at their peak, as they knew this round was going to be the tiebreaker. Their characters were dancing around each other, relentless. Neither one was more skilled than the other. It was a perfect tug of war. Their characters’ HP dipped lower and lower, but Goro nor Akira were slipping up. They were a perfect match.

Suddenly, Akira tugged the cord on Goro’s controller, yanking it out of his hands.

“What are you doing?” Goro spat. He was just about to win. Akira knew it.

Akira pressed his lips to Goro’s hungrily. He still had his controller in his hands, and Goro knew he was about to pull something terrible.

“No, no,” Goro said weakly against the kiss. “That’s cheating.”

Akira kissed him harder, and Goro’s resolve grew weaker. “What’s cheating?” Akira asked dumbly. His free hand grabbed Goro by the collar of his shirt, slipping a tongue into his mouth. His other hand tapped buttons on the controller.

“You are such a sore loser,” Goro’s knees were weak from the intensity of Akira’s kiss.  
  
Akira’s fingers grazed Goro’s neck and jaw, cupping his face in his hand. His free hand was button mashing and delivering a finishing move to Goro’s character. “That’s funny because I don’t seem like a loser.” 

“I hate you so much,” Goro whispered between hungry kisses.

Akira’s hand relinquished his controller, and it fell to the floor with a clatter. His now empty hand went to the firm bulge in Goro’s pants. “It doesn’t feel like you hate me.”

A hard blush entered Goro’s face as blood rushed along his body. “Hate,” was all he could utter.

“Why can’t you ever say what you really mean?” Akira asked, gently caressing Goro’s jaw.

Goro felt delirious from the touches, and confused because Akira’s lips were no longer against his own.

“Tell me the truth,” Akira leaned closer to Goro, speaking softly in his ear. He removed the hand that was between Goro’s legs.

“Huh?” Goro asked. He was flushed, goosebumps covering his body from how badly he wanted this, how much he needed Akira’s hands on him. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t hate me,” Akira’s expression was mischievous.

“Yeah, I thought we made that clear already,” Goro said, trying to bridge the gap between their lips again.

Akira pulled his own lips away while still keeping them close to Goro’s ear. “Tell me you love me,” Akira said with the devil in his eyes. “Say what you mean, and I’ll never take my hands off of you again. Tell me if I’m yours. Tell me if you’re mine.”

Goro was shaking from his own anxiety. He had never said those words aloud to anybody. Akira knew what he was asking of him, and it was a lot. But he wanted this, didn’t he? He wanted it more than he ever wanted anything. “You’re mine,” Goro finally breathed out.

“And?” Akira was toying with a lock of Goro’s hair, staring at his lips.

“I love you,” Goro uttered for the first time in his life. “I love you. _I love you.”_ The words kept spilling out of his lips. 

Even though Akira was the one who told him to say it, he still looked surprised. The stunned expression was quickly replaced by a hungrier one as he resumed the pressure between their lips.

“God, do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that?” Akira said between kisses. “I love you, too,” he spoke the words gently into Goro’s ear. “You and only you.”

Goro was backed against the wall at this point, Akira’s hand was wrapped tightly around his wrist, slightly pinning him. Goro let out a needy sigh as Akira continued to kiss him like a man possessed. How had he lived without this for so long? Perhaps every miserable moment he endured was to lead up to this. The world could be wrought with ruin, his heart could stop, but it would all just be background noise for his love. His bond with Akira would burn brightly for all eternity.

Goro let his hands explore Akira without any sort of decency or restraint. He needed to memorize every millimeter of Akira’s body. He ran his fingers through the mess of curls, down his cheeks, roaming down to his shirt and pulling it off. He let his hands graze against Akira’s bare chest. Akira kissed him harder, hungrier. He climbed on top of Goro, working at his shirt as well. His fingers were clumsy and eager as he undid the buttons. Goro shivered as Akira’s fingers wandered down to his pants. Their lips were locked together as they undressed, inseparable. For the first time in his life, Goro was free of the shackles that were always tightly wrapped around his soul. It didn’t matter what became of his physical body; together, their souls would be immortal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like my fic notes are just apologizing for how long my uploads are taking. To make up for it, I added a fic cover that literally no one asked for LOL. This chapter took me forever and an eternity, but I actually think it's my favorite one so far. As always, I hope you enjoy and thank you so much to everyone that is still reading!


	7. Lost in Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira learns of the burden Goro has been carrying over the last month.

It was hard for Akira to believe that this had become his life. His days with Goro were something magical. They used those days to their fullest, running around Japan together from place to place. Back and forth between each other’s houses, insatiable. Their days were spent in museums, cafes, playing billiards and darts, and their nights were spent twisted up in bedsheets, neither one ever quite getting their fill of the other. Clumsy starved hands greedily exploring each other and then falling asleep locked in each other’s arms. They were never bored. Every day felt so new, fresh, and fun. Though he knew it couldn’t go on forever and they would be returning to reality soon, Akira felt like this might have been his version of a fairytale ending.

At the art museum, they held hands and talked philosophy, debating on the interpretations of various poems only to agree that maybe both their interpretations were correct and the truth was somewhere in between. They went to the planetarium together, sitting side by side in the back row and kissing underneath the planets and stars. For as long as he lived, Akira would never forget the way Goro’s eyes shined brighter than any fake star in that room, how once he looked into them the entire universe could simply just melt away and he wouldn’t have even noticed.

Akira’s personal favorite moment between them recently took place down a Yongen-Jaya alley. Snow was falling hard and fast. In a feisty mood, Akira had balled up some snow and tossed it at Goro. It hit him square in the chest and burst, scattering icey bits along his scarf and jacket. Goro’s eyes had widened in shock, not expecting it, but as always, he adapted quickly and reciprocated with his own snowball. The snowball fight escalated resulting in them forming their own bases and flinging snowballs at each other, ignoring the glares and confusion from any passersby that dared look their way. It was a war. The snowball fight went on and on, both sides too stubborn to submit. It was only concluded by Goro tackling Akira down into a deserted alleyway, pinning him against the ground, shoving a pile of snow into his face, and kissing him on the mouth. They stayed with their lips locked on that cold wet ground for quite some time, radiating so much steam and heat that they didn’t even care about the cold and damp conditions they were in. Akira resisted smiling fondly at the memory, as he knew this was not currently time nor place to grin like the lovestruck fool he was.

It was February 2nd, and something in his heart was telling him that the slice of heaven he had created for himself in this world was about to come to an end. He sat across the table from Maruki, listening to what he had to say, but only half listening because his own panic was starting to rise with every word. Morgana was, as always, sitting faithfully by Akira’s side. Akira was starting to realize that he did not want to leave this world. He did not want to lose this. Then again, maybe he didn’t have to. He and Goro could work in the real world, couldn’t they? All he had to do was convince Goro to not turn himself in, and they could keep having what they have, right? Something deeper in his subconscious nagged at his brain telling him no, they couldn’t. That their time was up.

“After considering every option,” Maruki spoke, pulling Akira out of his head, “do you have any doubts about your views?" 

“What are you getting at?” Akira asked, his voice coming out sharper than intended. He had a bad feeling as to where this conversation was going. No, maybe he always knew where this conversation was going to go. He just wasn’t willing to accept it within himself.

“I suppose it’s more accurate to ask if you two gentleman have any doubts?” Maruki asked, and Akira furrowed his brow in confusion. “Aren’t you here, Akechi?” Maruki called over to the door of the cafe.

As if summoned, Goro opened the door. “You caught me.” Akira noticed how depressed he looked upon entering. It was beyond his usual level of depressed. The bags under his eyes were deeper than ever, his eyes slightly bloodshot. That look in Goro’s eyes was simply not normal, and Akira wanted to do anything to get rid of it, to make a smile light up his soft features again.

“This decision is for both of you,” Maruki said and his voice was grave. Akira didn’t like the tone one bit. “It affects Akechi, too.”

“What do you mean?” Akira asked, but he wasn’t stupid. He already knew the answer. He hoped with a foolish desperation that Maruki would disconfirm the suspicion arising in his brain. Anything but this.  _ Anything but this. _

“I can tell there’s something special between you two, despite the fact that you should have been sworn enemies,” Maruki’s words were twisting around Akira’s heart. “When I heard about what happened in Shido’s palace, I wanted to fix it. Didn’t you regret the way things had ended, too? You didn’t want to leave him to that fate.” 

Akira gulped. How had Maruki known so much? How was he able to influence this much? It couldn’t be.  _ It couldn’t be. _ Goro was alive, wasn’t he? He was real. He was in Akira’s arms just this morning. Akira wasn’t snuggling with a ghost.

“I created a reality where you two could have a fresh start,” Maruki continued, confirming Akira’s deepest fear. “I didn’t want to tell you like this. He’s not my hostage. But I wanted you two to accept this reality, to have a happy life together.”

Goro finally interrupted, his voice harsh, furious. “Do you think dangling my life in front of us will change our decision?”

Akira stayed silent, processing everything taking place. Goro was entirely unsurprised by Maruki’s revelation. Goro knew. He knew the whole time. How had he kept it together? Part of him felt angry at Goro for not telling him, for letting them get so close, but then he remembered how hard Goro was pushing him away initially, and it all made sense. The anger washed away and was replaced by something much more painful.

“You knew,” Akira said, despondent.

“It was more of a suspicion rather than an absolute fact, but I had some idea, yes,” Goro shifted his gaze, a guilty expression in his eyes.

“I figured it wouldn’t dissuade you, Akechi,” Maruki said. “But Akira, what about you? Maybe it doesn’t change Akechi’s mind, but what about yours? So please, let me ask, will you accept this reality?” Maruki paused and waited for an answer. When Akira showed no signs of answering, he added, “Perhaps it’s unfair of me to ask you to answer on the spot like this.”

Unfair was the understatement of the century. Everything about this decision was unfair. He was being asked to choose between he and his friend’s happiness, and a harsh, cruel unforgiving reality that would rip the love of his life right out of his arms. He would be leaving him to die scared and alone. He had no idea what was right anymore. He thought he had known morally what the right thing to do was, he was so sure of himself. It was almost laughable how much confidence Akira once had about his decision. He didn’t even know who that person was anymore.

“You forgot something,” Akira pulled himself out of his thoughts momentarily. He tossed the calling card to Maruki.

Maruki caught it with a sad smile and said, “You have until tomorrow to make this decision. I’ll be waiting for you in the palace. If you don’t show, I’ll assume that you’ve agreed to stay in my reality.” Maruki took his leave.   
  
“What are you going to do?” Morgana asked as soon as the door closed behind Maruki, his voice concerned. He looked at Akira gently, almost as if he was afraid Akira might break from the weight of this decision. Though Akira hadn’t talked about his relationship with Goro to Morgana, he wasn’t stupid. He knew who was coming over the nights that Akira would send the cat over to Sojiro’s. 

“I’d like to speak with Akira alone,” Goro said a little harshly.

Morgana understood. He obliged and exited the room, leaving Akira and Goro to discuss their fate as if it were something as trivial as the weather. As if this weren’t actually life and death for Goro.

“Akira, you know I can’t just accept this,” Goro started immediately. “I’m carving my own path for myself. If I stay here, I’ll be Maruki’s puppet, stuck under his thumb for the rest of my days.”   
  
“But then you'll…” Akira started. He didn't want to finish his sentence.

“So what?” Goro’s voice was sharp. “That’s the path that I chose. You just need to stick to your guns. Or will you fold over the bullshit trivial threat of my life?”

“Don’t oversimplify this,” anger was welling up inside of Akira.

“But it  _ is  _ simple. Do you think I would be happy with this? Being shown mercy now of all times?”

“Yes, Goro,” Akira was furious. “I think that this world has made you the happiest you’ve ever been in your life. And it’s the same for me. You’re asking me just to blow all of that up. To go back to what it was like before I had you. To let the man I love die alone on the floor of a fucking engine room. Do you even realize what you’re asking of me here?  _ This  _ is bullshit.” Akira’s normally proper language had devolved into Ryuji levels of vulgarity. 

“You’re acting like a coward,” Goro’s words came out like venom. “If you can’t stick to your convictions, maybe you aren’t who I thought you were.”

Akira grabbed Goro by his collar with ferocity, “I’m exactly who you thought I was. Stop it. Stop acting like this is nothing.” Tears welled up in Akira’s eyes. Goro wouldn’t look at him. It made Akira want to scream. “You’re asking me to let you die. Not even asking me.  _ Telling  _ me to let you die. Telling me to go on without you like that’s something I’m capable of.”

Goro still wouldn’t meet his gaze. He kept his voice calm. “Anything else would be going against my wishes. So please tell me, Akira. What do you intend to do?”

Akira paused. He toyed with a lock of Goro’s hair tenderly, as if it would be the last time he would ever get to touch the soft strands. He knew that Goro would never forgive him if he were to override the decision. They wouldn’t be able to have their happy ending in this world if Akira made the choice that he so selfishly wanted to make. It didn’t seem like they were going to get their happy ending in any world.

“I won’t accept this reality,” Akira said and his voice broke on the last word. This may have been the hardest thing he would ever have to do. But it was what Goro wanted. He couldn’t let his own selfish instincts take over. He needed to fight against them. Goro battled this alone over the last month and didn’t waver once. Akira felt so weak and self-absorbed. Accepting Maruki’s world over this would mean that he would be a hypocrite for waking his friends up, for not letting them stay here. It would go against everything they had worked to build. His friends had all lost people too, hadn’t they? Futaba was willing to give up her mother, and Haru her father. Somehow, reminding himself of this only made Akira feel worse.

“Good,” Goro said, sounding genuinely relieved. He let out the breath he was holding. “That’s good. Thank you.”

“But Goro,” Akira leaned his head with defeat on Goro’s shoulder. 

“I know,” Goro took Akira’s hand in his own, and used his other free hand to pet Akira’s hair. “I know.” 

“A world without you means nothing to me,” Akira’s voice was weak. “You’re asking me to live through that. You’re asking me to live, never getting to feel the way I feel with you ever again.”

“I’m sorry, Akira,” Goro pulled him closer, his shaky arms holding Akira tighter. “I can’t believe I’m making you comfort  _ me _ right now,” Akira let out a sad choke of laughter. He felt truly pathetic.

“I’m used to your selfishness,” Goro’s voice was fond. He gestured to the booth, holding Akira’s hand and leading him to sit down. He sat by Akira’s side.

The atmosphere in Leblanc had never felt so oppressive as Akira realized that this would be their last night together, their last time sitting at this booth together. He would no longer have anyone to play chess with at this very table. Everything he had come to know and love would end. Goro lived knowing it was going to end.

“Goro,” Akira spoke softly, “you’re so strong.”

Goro recoiled slightly, not anticipating nor enjoying the compliment. “Don’t insult me,” he snarled.

“You knew the whole time. You knew you were going to die, and you kept it together. You gave me your strength to get through all of this. You let yourself fall in love knowing what awaited you. I don’t know if I would have been able to handle any of it if I was in your position.”  Goro was silent. Akira decided to keep going, “Weren’t you scared? Aren’t you scared?”

The question seemed to loosen something in Goro and his eyes watered. “Of course I’m scared. I’m terrified. Haunted. It’s plagued my every waking moment since we met up back in January.”   
  
“I’m sorry I was so stupid,” Akira was openly crying. “I’m sorry I let you go through that alone. I was by your side the whole time, and I didn’t even see the weight of the world resting on your shoulders.”

“And I’m sorry that I let you fall in love with a corpse,” Goro said and now tears were falling from his eyes too. “Letting this happen felt like the most selfish thing I had ever done.” 

“I’ll never regret any of it,” Akira responded, squeezing Goro’s hand gently. “I’m glad we got to experience whatever we have. It’s special. No matter what happens, it’s always going to be special.”

“Me too,” Goro whispered, he leaned himself into Akira’s shoulder and Akira could feel Goro’s wet cheeks against his neck. “I never thought I would ever be able to experience anything remotely like this. Thank you for showing me that there’s more to life than vengeance and pain. That I’m more than what I thought I was. That my heart does beat like everyone else’s, and that I'm capable of love.”

Akira cried harder and pulled Goro closer. “Thank you for showing me that I’m not walking this world alone.”

Akira ran fingers through Goro’s hair as they sat in silence, both with tears streaming down their faces. Words were no longer necessary between them, they knew what they were both thinking. This would be their last night together. Despite how hard they both worked to be together, despite how much Akira fought against their fates, it was going to end. This was one tide he couldn’t turn. Akira felt completely helpless as Goro cried feebly into his shoulder. Why was the thing that mattered the most the one thing he couldn’t have? The person he wanted to save the most would be the one that he couldn’t save.

Each tick of the clock brought them closer to the end. The sound was loud like a drum in Akira’s ears.

“I love you, Goro,” Akira spoke quietly, as the words were for Goro and Goro alone. The universe didn’t deserve to hear them. “My heart will always call to you."

“Even in death, I belong to you, Akira,” Goro kissed Akira’s forehead. “Whatever happens to my body doesn’t matter. My soul will always and forever circle around yours.”

Akira cried harder and squeezed Goro tighter. He couldn’t let go. Once he let go, the hands of time would take Goro away from him. For someone that had defeated a god and helped to alter countless fates, he sure had his hands tied here. He had never felt more helpless in his life. No one could defeat time and inevitability.

“This is our last night together, isn’t it?” Akira finally said aloud. Neither of them had wanted to acknowledge it aloud because that would have made it real.

“I think it is,” Goro wiped his snot and tears on his sleeve, Akira had never seen him so unrefined. If this were any other situation, Akira might have even teased him about it. Oh, how he wished that this were any other situation.

“Then we should make the most of it, shouldn’t we?” Akira choked out between sobs. Once the sobs stopped, he wiped his own tears and continued, “We shouldn’t sit here and cry, unless that’s what you wanted to do. So, what do you want to do?” he asked Goro. Akira knew it was a weird question to ask. No one wanted to think about what they would do their last night of being alive, and here Goro was having to do exactly that.

Goro’s brows furrowed as he thought about the question. He dabbed his eyes dry as he considered. It looked as though he were thinking long and hard, really considering every possible option he had. “Could we go to Jazz Jin?” 

Akira nodded and squeezed Goro’s hand, “Yeah, let’s go. Come on.” For Goro’s sake, he couldn’t cry anymore. He had to show the strength that Goro had shown over the last month. They had to keep going. It wasn’t the end yet.

They walked to the subway with Goro’s arm linked through Akira’s. Akira was doing everything he could not to think about how he would never get to feel Goro’s arm through his own after this night ever again. How the only parts of Goro he would feel were his ghost haunting him in the middle of the night, throughout his days, his every moment. He was devastated. Goro’s eyes looked so sad and tired. Akira held his hand throughout the subway ride, giving it comforting squeezes, though the hand squeezing may have been more for Akira’s own sake than Goro’s. They stood side by side in silence for the duration of the ride. Akira just kept his fingers laced tightly through Goro’s as if it were his lifeline. Normally, they would have at least gotten some sort of look from a judgmental stranger for this public display of affection, but in Maruki’s world it almost seemed as though such bigotry had ceased to exist. Akira couldn’t believe they were leaving this behind.

The thought of returning to a life without Goro petrified him. Whatever he had with Goro was different from his other relationships. There was an understanding that went beyond normal levels shared between them. They related to each other in a deeper, more meaningful way than Akira could have ever dreamed of having with anyone. Though he was surrounded by people, he had always felt alone and never truly understood. That changed when he met Goro. They were each other’s perfect match intellectually and spiritually.There was something unique about their bond and nothing else would ever be able to replicate it. Akira knew that he would be going back to walk the world alone, that he would spend the rest of his life endlessly searching for but never finding whatever he had with Goro. The thoughts were almost too daunting for him to bear, but he reminded himself that he had to be strong for Goro. Even if Akira were to fall apart after this night and never be the same again, he had to keep it together only if for tonight.

They arrived in Kichijoji before too long, still not letting each other go. Together they walked the streets hand in hand. To any onlooker, they would have just seemed as though they were a normal couple. No one would have had any idea of the burden that they were both carrying. They passed by a toy store and Goro stopped, looking at the toy gun on display. He was quiet as he stared with a sort of longing in his eyes.

“How did everything get so messed up?” Goro asked Akira. For the first time since leaving Leblanc, he dropped Akira’s hand. “All I ever wanted was to be a hero. To help the kids that were as alone and scared as I was. When did I lose myself?” 

“We all lose ourselves sometimes,” Akira’s reached for Goro’s hand again but it was weak and limp in his own. He didn’t like that. He needed Goro to squeeze his hand back.

Goro pulled away from him. “I told myself for so long that I didn’t have any regrets, that my choices were right. I didn’t see a future for myself. I accepted that I was going to die alone and full of hate.”

“But you didn’t,” Akira grabbed Goro’s hand once again. They didn’t have enough time to spend pulling away from each other. “You have to forgive yourself for those things you thought you had to do to survive.” 

“I can never forgive myself for my past if it’s what’s going to take me away from you,” Goro stopped resisting Akira’s affection, burying his head in Akira’s neck. 

“As much as the world might want to, it can never take us away from each other,” Akira pressed his lips against Goro’s cheek reassuringly.

Goro stood looking at the toy gun for a few moments longer before Akira managed to tug him away. They trekked on through the snowy sidewalk, eventually reaching Jazz Jin. Despite everything, Akira couldn’t help but feel a little excited when they arrived and found that tonight their favorite singer would be performing. Akira was glad that they would get to enjoy it together one last time. It was almost symbolic that they would spend their night here together, as this was the first place where Akira had started to take notice of the depth of their connection. He had his suspicions from the moment they locked eyes in the TV station, but sitting across from Goro here that night had stirred something in his heart. As they had sat and enjoyed music together late into the night, Akira realized that this was where he belonged. It felt like an eternity since that moment, but at the same time nothing had changed. They were the same Goro and Akira. In fact, maybe the change was that they were now more their true selves than ever before. They were no longer speaking in riddles across the table, but holding hands as they walked into the bar.

Maybe it was foolish of Akira, but he could not accept that this would be their end, that trivial fate would try to step between them. They had a promise, didn’t they? They were going to duel one more time. That promise wasn’t for nothing. Akira meant it. The promise he made with Goro that day was the most important one he had ever made in his life. Walking in the bar, all he could think about was that he had no clue what was going to happen after tonight. All the signs pointed towards this being their last night together, but there was still some spark of hope that Akira held onto just as tightly as he gripped Goro’s palm in his own. 

Even if he awoke the day after tomorrow and Goro ceased to exist in the reality that they were in, Akira didn’t think he would ever give up. He would hold onto Goro’s glove. Memories of Goro would be tightly wrapped around his heart, and Akira would force himself to face the world with the hope that one day they would meet again, that their promise they made on that fateful day would come to fruition. If nothing else, Akira Kurusu was eternally stubborn. He would never let go of Goro Akechi, the person who had somehow simultaneously both claimed and freed his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV: I am handing you a tissue.
> 
> Oof, jokes aside, this one really hurt to write. I got it up a lot sooner than I planned, lol what's posting at a consistent schedule? I don't know her. Anyway, I hope I didn't break too many hearts, but as always thank you for reading!


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